5 Double Standards for Women That Need to Change
By Ashlee Andrews
About the Author
Ashlee is a student at Utah Valley University studying English with an emphasis in writing studies. She finds female double standards quite irritating and unfair, and she would very much like to line up each standard and give it a good slap in the face. She has often felt insecure about herself due to these double standards, but she tries not to let them define her and would like her readers to do the same.
Suggested Readings
- The Ridiculous Double Standards Women Face in Modern Society
- 10 Impossible Double Standards That Women In Our Society Are Held Up To
- Gender Double Standards | Double Standards for Women
Women face so many double standards in their everyday lives, both in comparison to other women and to men. Women almost always have to temper their personality and actions so that they are not seen as too extreme, otherwise they are viewed as being too masculine or too weak, but a man who is extremely one thing or another is considered strong and masculine or sensitive and sweet. It is also important to note that these standards aren’t perpetuated just by men, women are just as responsible for upholding these standards for each other as well. While there are also plenty of double standards for men and toxic masculinity that needs to be dealt with, as a woman who is sick of the double standards that I have to deal with, here are five double standards for women that I think need to change.
1. Assertive women are seen as bossy or uptight, but an assertive man is a leader
In the workspace, it is important for everyone to be vocal and assertive with their opinions and needs as it helps to keep the business running as smoothly and efficiently as possible. Despite this fact, a woman who is very vocal and assertive of her opinions and needs is often seen in a negative light. Assertive women are told to “let their hair down” or “stop being a b****.” Whereas assertive men are viewed positively as leaders. A woman could be being assertive in the exact same way as a man, and she would be considered difficult to get along with and the man would be seen as strong and good in a crisis. Because of this, women are often forced to be passive, which males tend to find more likeable, but this can also lead to women being seen as or being forced to be pushovers, meaning that their opinions or needs, if given at all, may go unanswered, and if they complain about the fact that they are not being listened to, they are told to be more assertive and “man up.”
This double standard is probably due to gender expectations for woman to be more caring listeners and for men to give more tough love, and it will probably take a while to overcome, but I think an important question to ask yourself when you think a woman is being too bossy or uptight is “would I think this is overly bossy behavior if it was coming from a man?” If the answer is no, then you have a double standard that you need to become aware of and let go of.
2. Women are expected to look beautiful but not care about their appearances
Beauty standards are something that women are constantly chasing and competing against. Beauty is a complex issue and not all of the discourse on beauty comes from a negative place, some of it is meant with the best intent, but even well intended comments are almost never welcome, and these comments can come from anyone, not just men, women are just as critical of each other as men are of women, and women are also very critical of themselves. Beauty is also very nuanced and heavily dependent on the individual, making the standard of beauty one that is extremely difficult to deal with.
Women are expected to look beautiful, and beauty can mean different things to different people, which makes it very difficult to please everyone. Some people think bright colors and boldly designed makeup looks are beautiful. Some people think more neutral but still bold makeup looks are beautiful. Some people think that light, natural looking makeup is beautiful. Some people think that no makeup is beautiful. Some people think that the amount of makeup a woman should wear is dependent upon how naturally beautiful she is. Some people think that makeup doesn’t matter that much as long as women wear nice clothes and do their hair. There are so many different combinations of hair and makeup and clothes that people say looks beautiful, and of course women’s weight is always an issue, and then there are all the things that women are told because of these beauty standards: “You wear too much makeup.” “You are so shallow. All you care about is how you look.” “You would look so much prettier if you (insert idea about makeup or hair or clothes or weight).” “You should wear makeup.” “You look like a whore with all that makeup on.” “You should try this diet.” “You should eat more food.” “You need to shave your (insert body part).” “You don’t put in enough effort to your appearance.” Or, if a woman changes her typical appearance, she might hear things like this: “You look tired.” “You look so good.” “I liked your old look better.” “Why’d you change your look?” “You look so much better like this, but you could still do (insert something else about makeup, hair, clothes, or body).” “You are trying way too hard.” It’s just an endless stream of here’s what you should look like and you should change this, and it never ends. On the other hand though, women are also often told things like this: “Beauty is only skin deep, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” “You don’t have to worry about your looks so much, you are perfect the way you are.” “Wear what makes you happy.” “You are beautiful no matter what you wear.” And lots of other similar variations. While this is generally not as hurtful as the earlier comments I mentioned, they can still be hurtful. The beauty double standard therefore is almost two fold: makeup vs. natural beauty (and other competing beauty standards/you should be beautiful) and physical appearance doesn’t matter/you shouldn’t care about it.
At the risk of sounding cliché, I believe the best thing to do for this standard is to stop caring so much about other people’s appearances, or, at the very least, stop commenting on them unless they ask for your honest opinion or if you have a sincere compliment. Just remember that the way somebody looks is only something they can control to a certain extent, and they may have something deeper going on that is affecting their appearance and saying something about it can be especially hurtful because they may be trying really hard to improve or they may be feeling good that day, and you will have successfully ruined their day. And “realize that the image you see in the mirror is a beautiful one and that you do not need to change it to please anybody.” (lifeadvancer.com)
3. Women who have had lots of sexual partners are sluts, but men who have had lots of sexual partners are applauded
A study published in Social Psychology Quarterly in 2009 found that "greater numbers of sexual partners are positively correlated with boys' peer acceptance, but negatively correlated with girls' peer acceptance" among young adults. Women who have slept with lots of men are described as promiscuous or easy, but a man who has slept with lots of women is praised for his abilities to get women and, at worst, he is called a player, but this is still typically said in an impressed or appreciative tone.
I’m not entirely sure where this standard stems from, but I think it maybe has something to do with religious values and maybe something to do with women being mothers, so people don’t want to associate them with having multiple sexual partners other than the father, but I think figuring out why exactly this standard exists in the first place will really help with stopping it.
4. Women are expected to care for their children, but men who help with their kids are great dads
Just because women birth their children does not mean that they are necessarily more adept at taking care of their children. Women do have a certain mother’s intuition, but men can still gain the same level of adeptness as a woman by taking care of their children. By spending time with their children, men can learn similar intuitions to what women gain because of the physical changes of pregnancy. Despite the fact that a man can be just as adept as a woman at caring for children, women are still expected to be the primary caretakers, and a man is being a really great husband and dad when he helps out every once in a while and does his fair share of taking care of the kids. Women who do their fair share of taking care of their kids are just viewed as doing their due diligence, and, if they questioned the praise given to the father for doing the same amount of work, they would probably be met with a sarcastic “what, do you want a medal?”
Even though women are expected to be the primary caregivers and not necessarily receive much or any help from their husbands, single mothers are still looked down on. The father isn’t supposed to help anyway, so why does it matter whether or not he is in the picture? People still think that women need a big strong man to provide even if he’s not expected to help in any other way. Single parents do definitely have a harder task on their hands without the help of their spouse, but single mothers are looked down upon for not having their husband to help them, but single fathers are so strong for doing everything by themselves and are offered lots of help with the kids.
This standard is based on old fashioned ideas of housewives and husbands working and then coming home and being taken care of by their wives, but men can be stay at home dads, and women can work, or both parents could work at different times of the day. There is no one way to properly raise a family, so traditional standards like this should really be thrown in the trash where they belong.
5. Women should dress to impress men, but also be modest
Women are expected to dress in a way that men will find physically attractive, but they still need to show decency, and they can’t wear something that makes them so physically attractive that it is “distracting” for the men. School dress codes are very specific and long for females, but, for males, it is short and to the point. Some might say this is because there are fewer options for men’s clothing in general, but men can wear the exact same things that women wear if they want to. “I’ve never seen a boy called out for his attire even though they also break the rules.” (theatlantic.com) Women should not be penalized for men not being able to focus because shoulders are somehow provocative, and I think a lot of this just comes down to the fact that women’s bodies are so sexualized and not entirely their own to do with as they please.
It is so important to realize where unfair biases lie and to address them and get rid of them, because women deserve the same respect as men, and we are not just pieces of meat for people to criticize or praise.