Protect: Don't Post
6 Reasons you Shouldn't Post your Kids Online

Sydney Cazier

A photo of a black camera in the foreground, with the photographer, a man with his face hidden behind the camera, blurred in the background
Figure #1: Photo by Stefan Rand

When I was 7 years old, my mom helped my grandparents pull a seemingly harmless prank on me. I had this little rubber crocodile toy that I carried around everywhere with me, and one day I forgot it downstairs where my grandma and grandpa lived. My grandpa had the genius idea to take this little rubber crocodile, fill its mouth with ketchup, and make it look like it was eating his finger. When my mom called me inside to see what was going on, my grandfather began to cry out for my help.

Everyone had a good laugh at my reaction. The look of shock and horror on my face and the hand that I clasped over my heart got my mom and grandparents laughing as, for a single second, I fell for the trick. When I realized it was a prank, my face grew hot, and my throat tightened with embarrassment. But I pretended to also find it funny, laughing and picking the crocodile up by the tail with a look of feigned scolding. I let everyone have a laugh at my expense because I didn’t want anyone to know how embarrassed I was. While I pretended to find it funny, I wanted this little prank to be quickly forgotten so I never had to think about it again.

There was just one problem: my mom had taken pictures of my reaction. That night, she posted them to her personal blog.

The next morning, I was waiting to go into class when the girl in line behind me eagerly told me that she had seen the pictures my mom posted of me. She said that they were the funniest things she had ever seen and laughed about the look of shock that had been on my face when I first saw the crocodile with its mouth around my grandfather’s finger. I laughed with her, but internally, I wasn’t laughing. Instead, I felt that burn of humiliation deep within my throat that I felt when the prank first happened. I remember feeling so violated about those vulnerable pictures of me being displayed where anybody could see them. I had wanted to forget that this prank had ever happened, but now, how could I? They were right there where anyone could see them, and people were seeing them. My classmates and peers saw them. My aunts, uncles, and cousins saw them. Who knows how many of my mom’s friends saw them? I didn’t want anyone to know those photos existed. I wanted that moment to be forgotten forever, by me and everyone else. But because it was on the internet, I would never be able to control the magnitude of people those pictures could reach.

That was my reality for a very brief time; that blog faded into obscurity and was eventually deleted. But the internet is vastly different now than it was in 2007, where the average person’s audience was much more personal. In 2024, there are so many kids whose entire reality is that singular moment of my life times a thousand. There are children under the age of 5 with hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers. There are families who make their livelihood off photos and videos they’ve taken of their children. Kids have a digital footprint from the moment they’re nothing more than a positive pregnancy test. It is so incredibly normal to film and post your kids on the internet, even their most private moments. But here’s the thing: this is wrong. This is wrong, and it has always been wrong. Below are only a few reasons why it's wrong.

1: Children cannot give consent to being filmed

Children are unable to consent to many things that adults can. There are reasons we have age of consent laws, laws surrounding child actors, and child labor laws. Children, especially young children, do not have the life experiences and knowledge to be able to say yes or no to activities like being filmed.

As we age and our brains develop, we are better able to comprehend the world around us. Adults know that by stepping out in public, we are automatically giving our consent to be on public security cameras, and personally acknowledged by individuals we may not know. But things are different in our own homes, and we have a right to feel violated and angry if someone walks into our living room with a giant camera while we’re sitting on the couch watching television in nothing but our underwear. There are reasons children cannot give consent to many things, including being filmed; their brains have not developed enough to fully comprehend the consequences and risks that come with their actions. If a child cannot provide informed consent to an activity or act, it is immoral to encourage a child to participate in said activity.

2: Children have a right to privacy. Just like adults.

A nondestinct child in a pink shirt holding her hand up towards the camera to cover her face. The word NO is written across her palm.
Figure #2: Photo by Happiness is Here.

People often forget that children are just future adults who are still growing and developing. Even young children who haven’t fully learned how to talk have things that are personal and private to them. Children can develop a sense of personal autonomy as early as 18 months, and most fully develop it by age 3. Before they’ve even learned how to speak, kids are learning their boundaries and are beginning to establish them within their social circle. Establishing their own privacy from an early age is a crucial developmental step; it’s not uncommon for a toddler to ask their parents to turn around while they’re potty training or want to dress themselves once they get the hang of it. Kids learn their boundaries fast, and it is essential that their boundaries and their right to privacy are respected in the same way adults are respected.

Choosing to post your child online invades the privacy that they’re still learning to advocate for. When you film them, you make their private life public, and you bring people into their public sphere who don’t have permission to be there. The more a child’s privacy is invaded, the more they come to believe that their personal boundaries are not important, and they never learn how to stand up for themselves.

3: Children do not know the reach that a photo or video of them can have.

Referring to point number 1, there is a particularly big reason why children cannot consent to being filmed: they can’t understand that the little black box that Mommy always points at them is letting a thousand strangers look at them. Kids are too young to understand just how vast the internet is, and just how many people might see a picture of them. When I think about my personal experience of being posted online as a kid, the outreach those photos had was small. It was posted on a personal blog with an audience made up primarily of close friends and family. But that was back in 2007; now, there are kids who have an audience of half a million before they can even speak. Before a certain age, many children are unaware of just how big the world is and who they might interact with on a day-to-day basis. And when they get to a certain point, the concept of “Stranger Danger” becomes a concern to them, and they might look at newcomers with shyness and distrust. Most parents teach their kids to be wary of strangers from an early age, and experts say it's crucial to begin teaching kids to be wary of strangers as early as possible.

If a child is shy around a singular stranger in person, it’s important to consider how they might feel being in the presence of a hundred, or even a thousand strangers online. That is essentially what happens when a child is posted online; they’re there for everyone to see. Kids are unable to understand just how many people are on the internet every single day, and how many people are seeing the pictures and videos of them their parents are publicizing across all social media platforms. There is much about life that adults find much easier to conceptualize than children. Do you think that, as a kid, you would be able to grasp the internet? If someone told you that this little box lets the entire world look at you, would you be able to understand just how big “the world” was? Most of us couldn’t see farther than our front doors, so why should we expect our kids to be able to see more?

4: Strangers are not entitled to see your child’s private moments.

We have seen the dangers that come from having a public presence online; those with fame both on and off the internet are at risk of their audience developing an unhealthy one-sided relationship with them or their content. These types of relationships, parasocial relationships, are dangerous for both sides, but they’re especially dangerous when they involve children.

A parasocial relationship is "a one-sided relationship in which a person develops a strong sense of connection, intimacy, or familiarity with someone they don’t know, most often celebrities or media personalities.” An audience that watches content creators or celebrities can develop a sense of deep personal connection with these individuals and begin to believe that they personally know them. This is never the case; people behave differently when off and on camera, but for some viewers, the line between creator and actual person can become blurred. This is the case for some frequent audience members of children with an online presence. These individuals come to believe that they personally know these kids, even though they’ve never met in person.

The comment section of the popular YouTube family vlogging channel “Not Enough Nelsons” is a prime example of the false connection that can form between watcher and performer. In a 2022 vlog titled: “RUSHING to the EMERGENCY ROOM while on VACATION in MAUi | *emotional*” the mother chose to record one of her daughters who injured her foot and had to go to the ER. The comment section is filled with subscribers expressing concern and worry for the family to a personal degree. One viewer, @auraxsky785, commented: “OH LORD I HOPE SHE’S OKAY it must be very hard and we will go through the journey with you no matter what life throws at us thank you for posting this DONT WORRY we’re doing this together hope she’s okay.” Another subscriber, @cinnamonrolldanicute, wrote: “Stay better Sadiee we love you.” While it is touching that these viewers seem to be genuinely concerned for the injured child, they are expressing a level of affection and worry that they shouldn’t feel. A child dealing with an injury is often feeling at their most vulnerable. These people providing their comfort and concern are not entitled to the daughter’s attention during this time, and they’re not entitled to anything else, either. If Sadiee, the daughter in question, decided to erase her presence from the internet entirely, the audience would have no authority to keep her from doing so. She owes them nothing of her personal life; they do not know her. If a child does not want to be filmed while they’re injured, or while they’re in the bathroom, or they simply don’t want to be filmed at all, their parents and the audience need to understand that nobody is entitled to the kid and their life.

5: You do not know who is watching your child.

A man in a dark gray hoodie sits against a blurred background facing the camera. The hood of his hoodie is keeping his face dark and discreet. He is looking over a silver laptop.
Figure #3: Photo by Trend Micro

Parents who post their children online are putting their child’s safety and image at great risk – whether they’re being posted to a private Instagram account with 150 followers, or they’re being posted to a public TikTok account with over a million followers, it’s impossible to know exactly who is viewing your kid online. The reality is that there are an estimated 500,000 predators online at a time, and an estimated total 5 million online predators. The majority of abuse children experience online is sexual exploitation from strangers, so giving strangers an outlet with which to contact a potential victim only increases that risk. The internet is not a safe place for kids.

Even if parents think the content they’re posting of their kids is innocent and harmless, it is too easy for pictures of toddlers and infants to be interpreted differently by those who intend to look at the child inappropriately. The most popular social media tags that are used by child predators to find material are the following: #pottytraining, #nakedkids, and #kidsbathing. These hashtags can be used innocently, but by putting your child on the internet, no matter how good your intentions are, you are potentially exposing them to those who might intend to harm or exploit them. It’s just not worth the risk.

6: Putting your child online can permanently harm the trust they have in you.

The cover of Janette McCurdy's memoir I'm Glad my Mom Died. McCurdy is pictured dressed in a pink dress, holding a pink urn filled with confetti. Her expression is nonchalant.
Figure #4: from Goodreads

Like my mom’s choice to post the pictures of the prank they pulled on me, the trust children put in their parents can be tarnished by their parents posting private moments of them online. When I found out those pictures had been posted, it didn’t matter to me how likely it was that only a few of our friends and family members had seen it. Whether it was a single person who’d seen them, or a thousand, my mom posted something I’d considered private, and it changed the way I looked at her. My privacy was now public, and it was her fault that it was.

Parents who post their children, especially parents who post their children when they’re upset or hurt, are showing their kids that their parents are not safe people. In her viral memoir I’m Glad my Mom Died, former child star Janette McCurdy details the exploitation she experienced at the hands of her mother. She felt so betrayed by her mother pushing her into the spotlight that she wrote an entire memoir about her personal relief when her mom passed. McCurdy is just one of a thousand voices that has chosen to speak up. Parents are supposed to be a safe place for their children. When your kid realizes that their safe place involves a camera, they lose that sense of safety. It makes it difficult for them to know who to trust.

Conclusion

There have been laws established within the last few years to protect child actors and entertainers, but there are no such laws protecting children who are posted on the internet. There is no limit to how many hours a child can be filmed, there is no hired agent or advocate for the kid’s safety and comfort, there are zero “no filming” zones within their home. Online, the only voice heard belongs to the camera. Like my mom posting those vulnerable pictures of me without my permission, there is serious potential harm that can come to children consequently when their parents choose to post, rather than to protect. It’s normal to post your son having a bedtime tantrum, and it’s normal to record and share your daughter when she’s playing make believe. But it shouldn’t be normal. It should be denormalized and discouraged to share your kids with the world. Your kids are kids, but one day, they’ll be fully grown adults, and only then will they be able to understand the harm that has been done to them by the people who are supposed to protect them the most. But by then, it might be too late.

Sydney Cazier is currently a senior at Utah Valley University. While she doesn’t have children of her own, she is a vocal advocate for the privacy and protection of children and adolescents who can’t protect themselves, both online and in the real world. Sydney is in the process of finishing up her Writing Studies degree and has ambitions to work with at-risk kids who want to expand their literary world and improve their creative writing skills.

Further Reading

Background photo: from Pikist.