5 Ways to Communicate between Generations without Sounding Ageist

It’s 2017. It feels as if there are a thousand-plus-one different ways a person can identify themselves as or with. Our grandparents might argue and say something along the lines of “Back in my day, we didn’t create our own labels. We stuck with the good old fashioned categories like man and woman, gay (if you were brave enough) and straight, black or white, young and old, right and wrong." Now, if you cringed or shook your head at all while reading that, then you agree that the world isn’t so black and white anymore–in fact it never was, but people tend to remember it that way nonetheless.

Not only do people remember things to be simpler than they were, but they tend to find easier solutions to problems nowadays by doing the easy task of blaming a group of people based on the time they were born. Have you tried it? It’s easy. Here, say it with me:

The country/world/civilization is doomed because Millennials/Boomers/Traditionalists/Gen Xers are too lazy/conservative/liberal/weak/stubborn/naïve/self-absorbed.

Now didn’t that sound kind of familiar? Like, maybe someone had said the same thing about you or perhaps you said something similar yourself? Either way, I’m sure you have either heard or used similar, and possibly stronger, wording than what was listed above in my little makeshift Mad Lib. But just like if I were to read you all of today’s horoscope predictions or make you guess what Chinese New Year animal you were based off of their character descriptions, these labels are vague, illogical, and frankly? A joke. Of all the ways we have to segregate and judge one another, are we really trying to define the ideology and behavior traits of entire generations of humans based on age difference? That’s what they keep telling me. So here, my friends, are five ways you can hope to break that label placed upon you and your neighbor, and hopefully garner better communication and understanding between one another.

1. Stop Generalizing and Don't Buy into the Hype

I think many would agree that no matter what label they put upon themselves, their own definition of the label will differ from others utilizing the same label. Now, if labels become unique to the subject they’re attached to, then why do we even use them? I believe it’s because we want to connect, however, we also like to compartmentalize and generalize people, topics, things, places… EVERYTHING. It makes it easier to think about things and people if we can do it in groups: Utahns are terrible drivers yet Californians don’t know how to stop at a stop sign, Texans have more guns, Asians are smart, women are more emotional, men can’t multitask, Toyotas last longer than Hondas, girls named Morgan are just delinquents in disguise, etc. (For more information on the prevalence of––and steadily loosening restrictions on––guns in Texas, see this article from The Washington Post. Ed.) Now I know that you would debate with some if not all of the above statements because they’re simply not accurate. And do you know why? Because they’re GENERALIZATIONS.

Now, in today’s world we have a lot of rules and politically correct suggestions to help us understand that generalizations are typically incorrect and insensitive. However, there’s one category of generalizations that seems to be completely okay for public figures and regular citizens to rip into and blindly criticize–generations.

Honestly. The list could go on and on and never actually hit the mark. Why? Because when you generalize an ENTIRE generation, you literally label everyone with the same label and decide they are all the same. (For more detailed information on generation definitions and notable characteristics, see this chart. Ed.)

My father is a Gen Xer and yes, he can be pessimistic, especially after the Great Recession. However, he enjoys being creative and taking on ambitious building projects on or around the house. He’s also very generous with his time and money in order to help or support others. Is he a workaholic? No, he loves having weekends and vacations off just as much as the next family man.

Is he just an outlier? Do we simply not count someone because they don’t fit neatly into the categories assigned to them? If your sibling is lazy, does that make you lazy by extension because you’re of the same generation?

NOBODY likes being labeled and stuck in a corner, so stop doing it.

2. Be the First

I’m labeled as a Millennial (but I’ve also been called Generation Z, soooo yeah...), and I’ve encountered ageism against my generation and against myself within my own family almost daily. However that’s nothing compared to what happens when I turn on the TV or when I walk outside. Our media and traditions condition us to put stock into these completely ambiguous labels on entire populations of people. Yet, it doesn’t matter who is making the most noise and trying to establish the most change. What matters is that YOU acknowledge that generational stereotypes are just that, and you can start to make a change in how you think about others and your fellow peers.

Instead of thinking of your boss as a conservative Gen Xer who doesn’t believe in change, acknowledge him/or her as a person. If they’re a jerk to you, then fine, go ahead and think of them as a crappy jack-wagon who couldn’t tell yin from yang. The benefit here is that if you can manage to see and think of people as individuals instead of pieces of a huge single-minded generation, then you might be able to inspire that same style of thinking in others. And when your kids grow up and have their turn to be attacked by the media, you won’t buy into the hype. Why? Because they’re your kids! And who better to know and love and appreciate them than you, their parent? And as they see you leading by example, who knows, maybe they’ll learn that their parents, the (insert generation label here), really weren’t as weak, liberal, conservative, lazy, etc. as people thought. And then you’ve started a new cycle of open-minded thinking and spawned forward thinkers who can hopefully be the generation(s) to finally do away with hurtful and limiting labels.

3. Be a Mentor not a Preacher

In an article titled, “This is What Ageism towards Millennials Looks Like”, the author Julianne Harris makes this comment, “It’s easier to stagnate in routine than to evolve, and easier to talk than to listen”. Honestly, are there truer words than these? Not when it comes to discussing Ageism. However, despite the article’s title, this is extremely relevant to ageism across the spectrum, not just against Millennials. Whether it’s at home or in the workplace, if the older generations such as the Traditionalists, Boomers, and Gen Xers could refrain from talking down or at, but talking to or with their younger counterparts, communication would improve significantly. We don’t need you to preach to us about how we’ve had it easy our whole lives because we’ve been told we could be/do anything whilst receiving our popularly brought up participation trophies. We didn’t live through the Great Depression, but the Great Recession was no picnic either. Research shows that standards in the family unit have changed drastically between the 1940’s and today. (For more information on evolving family structures throughout America's history, see this article from Concordia University, St. Paul. Ed.) Many of us have experienced divorce, single parenthood, loss of both parents, foster care, unemployment, and political tension throughout childhood and beyond in our families. We may not have experienced Pearl Harbor, The Red Scare, or the real possibility of being drafted, but we’ve experienced 9/11 and war after war, after war–and I’m only 22. Not one single generation has ever had it easy, so stop pretending like we have.

In terms of being our mentor, we should respect the Traditionalists, appreciate the Boomers, and admire the Gen Xers, however sometimes we could all use a lesson in listening skills. We Millennials need to work on curbing our impatience and bravado with our older counterparts, especially when technology is involved. Just because we may be able to fix that computer, program that system, or email that memo faster than our seniors doesn’t mean we’re ready to rule the world. And while older age doesn’t guarantee wisdom, it does bring about experience–which is something we simply haven’t been alive long enough to garner enough of in every part of life. Consequentially, mentorship doesn’t mean expertise is guaranteed in all areas, and being able to admit we “young’uns” may have more knowledge to lend in other areas than yourself is all part of the give-and-take process. Show us how it’s done, but don’t be offended if we manage to improve the method.

4. Understand and Acknowledge That We're All in the Same Boat

People tend to forget that no one generation ever intentionally screwed things up because they figured their children didn’t matter. Everything we do, we do in the name of progress and in the hopes of securing a better future for our children. Now, that doesn’t exactly excuse our predecessors from what we now view as appalling and inhumane or inappropriate behavior. However, I would like us all to acknowledge our history, and that includes all the embarrassing, appalling, and horrible pieces as well, and learn from our past mistakes. Every generation hates or disapproves of an action the preceding generation engaged in. Be it the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Iraq War, our participation in Libya and/or lack of participation in Syria, right down to our Presidential selections and beyond. However, how can real work or progress be accomplished when all we do is play the blame game?

It is our right and it is our duty to speak out when we believe injustice is being done, and I feel like my generation has experienced and participated in such expressions both honorably and dishonorably over recent years. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, progress is never made when all we do is attempt to alienate or antagonize an entire population of people because of their ideology and/or traditions. When we protest a wrong we see being done, we must acknowledge that blame is a two-way street. And as cheesy as it is, the old saying “Point one finger at me and you’ve still got three fingers pointing right back at you,” rings true. Rather, instead of blind blame, we need to get back to the offering of constructive criticism. Emphasis on the constructive part. It all goes back to give and take. Take the wisdom that was passed down from those before you, and give new solutions and opinions in hopes of bettering the odds. And since this section is already rife with clichés, I’ll just end this section with the reminder that yes, we are all in the same boat, so let’s make our time count.

5. The Golden Rule

A long time ago my mom worked as a CNA (Certified Nurse’s Assistant) at St. Mark’s Hospital in Murray, UT. However, she didn’t work there for long seeing as she hated the job, the people, and the experience the whole time she was there. She would tell me how the RNs (Registered Nurse) would purposely make the lives of the CNAs as miserable as possible every night by giving them the worst tasks, by talking down or yelling at them, or just by treating them as servants or slaves. My mom later then recounted a memory of when she, a fellow CNA, and an RN were eating lunch together and the poor treatment of the CNAs was brought up. The RN simply excused himself saying roughly, “That’s how I was treated when I was a CNA, and now I’m just returning the favor. It’s the circle of life around here.” To which the other CNA replied, “I can’t wait to be an RN and get my chance to be like that. I hate being treated like crap, so it’ll finally be my turn to do it and the next batch of CNAs will have their turn to experience the same crap that I had to deal with.”

Now, if this cycle doesn’t seem toxic or unfair to you, then you need a whole different set of instructions along the lines of “5 Steps on How to be a Decent Human Being”. But for the rest of us, let’s all agree that that is a horrible “circle of life” to adhere to and undoubtedly does nothing other than create further disdain and hostility toward others. Now if we could only agree that we appear to be doing the same thing generationally in our society––albeit not in such bold or blatant words as those used in the dialogue. Instead of thinking with an I’m-a-twelfth-grade-senior-now-and-that-means-the-kingdom-is-mine-and-I-can-do-whatever-I-want type mentality, or a my-parents-always-complained-and-pointed-fingers-at-my-generation-so-I’ll-do-it-to-my-kids-too beliefs system, we need to do exactly what the Good Book or good old fashioned common sense and decency says, and do unto others what we would want done unto us. Break the cycle people. And just like Smokey the Bear tells us concerning wildfires, the same holds true in intergenerational communication too. Only YOU can prevent future cases of ageism.

Conclusion

It’s important you know that I didn’t write this piece in hopes of ranting against unfair treatment I and my fellow peers have received in recent years due to our status as “Millennials”. To be honest, when I first heard that term used to describe my generation, I thought it was pretty cool. Millennials. It sounds big and important, and yeah, we’re experiencing the beginning and creation of a new millennium. But then you flash forward to present tense and you realize the world has a lot of expectations for you, no matter the time period. I learned there were certain expectations and generalizations already working against me because I was female. Then I learned the same was happening against my cultural and racial identities. I’m American, and I’m half white, half Latina, and everybody around me doesn’t seem to have anything nice to say about either of those ethnicities. There are so many other categorizations and stereotypes working against me (such as my religion, where I live, where I went/go to school, whether I’m married or single, my social and financial status, etc.) that when the media began to label and attack my generation, I honestly was fed up and exhausted. But instead of crying, raging, and ranting about the unfairness of life, I decided I’d try my best to take an even approach to both sides of ageism, which according to Google’s top hits is usually only brought up when there’s discrimination against those over 60, but I have discovered to be a completely universal occurrence where age is involved.

Overall however, I hope this piece has influenced you, dear reader, in some way that you might be willing to make a change within yourself and how you see others. At the very least, I hope I have exposed an ideological lens that is at work in your life and around you, and I hope that knowledge will hopefully help you to see how these beliefs and practices directly influence you and the way you think.

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