5 Tips for Helping Your Partner Become a Better Cook
By Kendri Unick
Let’s face it, eating out is awesome. When you eat out, you don’t have to clean at home, you don’t have to go to the grocery store, and you can go wherever your cravings bring you. Sounds like a winning situation right? Well the problem is, eating out every day is not something that everyone can financially swing. As a result, whether or not you enjoy cooking, cooking has become one of life's monotonous must-do chores. After all, you have to eat to survive. Lucky for you, cooking is a chore that can easily be split up between partners. The problem is, not everyone knows how to cook. It’s interesting to think that such a necessary survival skill, such as prepping food, is not known by everyone. However, I know that growing up, cooking was my mom’s duty, and my dad could only whip up one or two dishes. However, it is important to change the stigma around cooking, and to realize that it is something that both partners can do.
When I met my husband, he survived solely off of his daily double-wrapped Chipotle burrito. Needless to say, cooking was not his forte, or something he even really knew how to do. However, with some encouragement and fun tricks, my husband was whipping up meals that could make anyone happy. So before you go and permanently deter your partner from cooking by telling them their food isn’t good and that it’s time for them to take some serious cooking courses, try some of my tips below.
1. Try Watching Cooking Shows
WhenHave you ever heard Gordon Ramsay call someone a donut? It’s pretty hilarious yet daunting. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be called a donut. So, the obvious solution is to avoid making whatever mistake the person on TV did. Since cooking is often done in the privacy of our homes, it can become quite the spectacle when it is done in a public setting. Something about the home kitchen seems so secretive and private to so many people, so bringing it to the public eye makes it seem far less mysterious or scary. Many individuals find themselves learning about dishes and techniques that they have never seen before, simply by watching publicized cooking competitions/shows. Many individuals, such as me watching Gordan Ramsay call someone a donut, also learn about mistakes that they want to avoid in the kitchen.
So, to help inspire your partner to cook, or at least to subliminally engrain quality cooking tips, turn on a cooking show or two and watch it together. I suggest watching a cooking competition because it is a much more entertaining spectacle that can draw people in. After my husband and I started watching cooking shows, he began suggesting that we learn how to make dishes together that we saw on TV. I also noticed that when we were cooking together, he would use tips that he saw on TV as well. Although watching cooking shows was not the immediate solution to make him a Michelin star chef, I noticed that his attitude around cooking changed, and he became much more confident in his skills.
2. Learn a New Skill or Dish Together
Learning a new skill can be daunting, especially if the person teaching you is already adept in it. So, I suggest evening out the playing field. In cooking, this can be accomplished by asking your partner to learn a new dish or technique right alongside you. This can be super helpful, because your partner can see that you (just like they do) take time to learn new things. While learning alongside your partner, you may even notice that they have a knack for this new skill that you guys are practicing. This can be great, because you can ask them for their guidance on perfecting the skill/dish, further building their confidence in their cooking skills. However, it is always possible that both of you will fail at the new dish/technique. The important thing is, you can learn from your mistakes and look back at the memory of your failure as a funny memory.
3. Teach Them the Basics
It can be frustrating attempting to do something you know absolutely nothing about. Perhaps this is the case with your partner. I know so many individuals who never learned to cook growing up, because their parents took care of it for them. So, the best thing to do is to teach them the basics so that they can gradually gain confidence in and better their cooking abilities. On Foodal, there is an informative article called, “How Cooking with Your Spouse Can Strengthen Your Relationship”. In one section of her article, Ashley Martell gives tips on how to help your partner develop their skills. In her article, she says:
Does your partner not like to cook, or do they not feel confident enough to prepare a meal from scratch?
Don’t lose hope – you are here to act as a positive support system for your hesitant spouse. And vice versa, if there are areas where you could use some support!
Sometimes it’s fun to teach your spouse something new. If your significant other has never prepped a certain ingredient before, with no experience doing tasks like removing seeds from a pomegranate or roasting and pureeing whole squash, take the time to show them how.
Allow them to work at their own pace, without stressing them out, so they can feel comfortable and confident in contributing to the meal.
Ashley’s insight is super important, because it shows how joyful it can be teaching your partner new things. However, make sure your partner has down the basics before you teach them more complex skills. I suggest starting with chopping, prepping, and terminology. If your partner is comfortable with the skills it takes to get ingredients ready, they will be less worried about cooking on their own. Furthermore, if your partner learns the name for what each action is, they’ll be able to read recipes on their own. You can also teach the basics by explaining what your steps are while cooking to your partner. Some people are more visual learners, and simply learning the name of something isn’t going to be enough for them. Remember to encourage and invite your partner to practice their new skills on nights that you are making meals.
4. Learn about Their Favorite Foods
Something simple that you can do to support your partner is learning about their favorite foods. As I previously mentioned, the kitchen can seem like a very private and secluded space for many individuals. For some, they have no idea what to do there, since no one talked about it at home. So, make cooking a less private affair. To start off, go to restaurants together and figure out what your partner likes to eat. Show your partner that cooking is something that can bring different people from different walks of life together.
There are many restaurants where you can watch the chefs as they cook. In doing so, you are showing your partner how just about anyone, with the right amount of practice can cook. If going out to restaurants isn’t in the budget, sit down and talk to your partner about some of their favorite nostalgic childhood meals. Although your partner may have no clue how they’re made, you can figure it out together. In the article, “How to Get Your Husband to Do More Cooking” on WikiHow, the author warns about making meals your partner enjoys. They caution saying that, “this might be risky, because when he's learning he might not make it exactly the way he remembers it. Keep it simple”. I recommend setting up expectations with your partner before trying out the dishes. This can be done by reminding them that the dish may not come out exactly how you want it. Tell them if something like this occurs, adjustments can be made until the meal is closer to what they remember/prefer. If this does not work, be positive and let them know that it can be fun to put your own twist on dishes you enjoy. I personally know that I have yet to replicate perfectly the dishes my parents made for me growing up.
5. Compliment Them Often
The website, The Kitchn, put together a fun list of tips about cooking as a couple. This list is full of suggestions from their readers who have experienced what it is like cooking with a partner firsthand. In the article, “The Best Tips for Cooking Together Without Stirring Up Trouble, According to our Readers”, their reader, Raphaelle Beard says:
I make sure I don’t micromanage him, but try to be helpful when he asks what something means in the recipe (I’m the more experienced cook). Let him make mistakes sometimes, especially when he’s cooking a meal by himself, so he learns by doing (rather than by my corrections). Try to be appreciative of help or kindly decline it and always be grateful of meals he makes for me, even if they aren‘t “perfect.”
Raphaelle’s tip is great, because it shows the importance of understanding that your partner is learning, and that it is important to encourage them.
Learning new skills can be frustrating, but having encouragement can really build your partner’s confidence. My husband knows that I hate chopping garlic and onions, so one night he offered to help me with those tasks. After I complimented him and showed my gratitude, I noticed that he began offering up his help with those tasks every time our meals required them. I soon found that I was not chopping garlic or onions at all, and that my husband was a pro at prepping them. Complimenting is powerful because it shows your partner that you are grateful for their contribution, and it can inspire them to continue helping out.
If your partner cooks a meal on their own, it is especially important to thank them for the hard work that they put in. However, if something about the meal isn’t to your liking, try a compliment sandwich. First, tell your partner what you really liked about the meal, and then let them know what you would tweak in the future. Make sure when you suggest a tweak, that it is about the recipe and not your partner. If you make the suggested tweak seem like it is a fault of their own, it could seriously discourage them from continuing on. Remember, their cooking skills are something that are private and personal to them. If your partner is sharing these personal things with you, don’t do anything that would make them feel uncomfortable about sharing in the future.
Conclusion
Cooking is something that draws people together, and creates connection. Sadly, so many individuals don’t know how to cook, since it was a skill that was most likely reserved for their mom at home. However, cooking is not just a woman's responsibility, it is something that can be shared equally between partners. In order to change the public opinion on cooking, and to gain support from your partner in the kitchen, do your best to listen to them and support them in their cooking journey. Remember, some people are uncomfortable cooking simply because they have no background knowledge on the topic. If that’s the case, start out slowly with what you teach them. Below are some links to articles that can show you how to teach them, why you should teach them, and what to teach them.
Additional Readings
- How Cooking with your Partner can have a Positive Impact on your Relationship
- What is your best advice for teaching someone who is learning how to cook? Should they learn techniques? Or use recipes?
- Teach Them To Cook: 7 Things That Young Adults Need to Know How to Cook Before Living on Their Own!
- How to Teach Cooking
About the Author
Kendri Unick is currently a student at Utah Valley University who is majoring in English and taking a fun ceramics course on the side. She is excited to graduate this following Spring so that she can spend less time doing homework, and more time cooking with her husband. In the meantime, she is happy doing homework while her husband cooks up some delicious meals at home.